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I didn't realize until I was half way through my day that it has beenfivemonths since the attacks in NYC and Washington. I've been in a weird moodabout  it. It's Monday. I am home alone in the quiet, on a cold day.I am not so used to the cold and quiet as I was once, last winter. 

I didn't think of any of this for awhile today. I was thinking aboutgoingto get a filling, and what I would do with my next few weeks and months.Ihaven'ttaken the time to really reflect on what I have been doing for thelastfew months. I have only written here about the big adventures of protests.Ithas been a weird time for me. Rising from a depression inthe fall, Iranawayto Boulder, Co for a couple of weeks. I was home a coupleof daysbeforeIwas called to leave again. I went to hide at RoweCampand ConferenceCenter for a week or so while I figured out what I wantedto do. Like happensa lot in my life, an opportunity arose so that I didn'thave to decide. I havebeen living and working at Rowe pretty much sinceThanksgiving. 

Where I have been has been less important for me than a new focus. Ihavebeen trying new things, looking for new viewpoints, gaining new perspective. This has led me to go to a sweat lodge in Boulder, see a chiropractor,and try yoga with a new focus. Mostly it has laid me wide open to new conversations. It is not only new conversations, but old ones that seems new. In my first few weeks at Rowe, I got into the debate of determinism with some peopleat dinner. I knew what my old conclusion had been and hadn't thought aboutit in years. I was sure that we were beings of complete free will. In tenyears I have learned enough that I am not so sure anymore. Maybe we havedestinies. I feel more a being of somewhat guided spirit then a being offree willlately. 

So I am working to get a grip on it all. There must be some spiritual space that I can be comfortable in. If I can talk to and commune with enough people who are looking for the same thing maybe I will find it. For now,my restlessness is reflected in my call to action. I have to be doing something. I have had this idea that I would like to be connected to the Earth inmydaily life. It is my spirituality. I read a lot about drawing energyfromthe Earth,but occurs to me that if you were truly connected to theEarth,you wouldalso feel her pain, and the responsibility of using yourgiftsto help healus all. 

So I was minding my own business of trying to plan out my life, thismorningwhan I came accoss this piece in the NY Times.  MargaretThatchersays, "The good news is
that America has a president who can offer the leadership
necessary to do so [to strengthen its resolve against
rogue regimes and upgrade its defenses]" It has ruined my day. 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens canchangethe world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has."
                                             -Margaret Mead

People keep asking me about the protests in New York. The truth is Iamtired and numb about it. I try to keep this quote in mind, but I am tired.I feel like the world is getting worse faster than people are rising tomeet it. Here is what I wrote about NY to friends and several Timesarticles thatare pretty fair as a whole. What I need to say to everyone,is if youfeelstrongly about the state of the world, start talking aboutit. Talkto peoplewho agree with you, and more and more with people whodisagree.We all needto talk about it. 

me, "Life has been pretty good for me. I have been able to ignore allthe confusion and depresion that I was feeling last 
fall, by being too busy. I don't have a lot planned for the next fewweeks though, and I am wondering what life is all 
about again. NY was both hard and good. I keep wanting these proteststobe the last one, the one that shows the 
country the light and that things have to change. I am not sure whatmymission is when I go to one. I am there to 
show dissent, but in some ways am totally not allowed to do that becausewe have to follow all of the rules. I am 
frustrated by the level of fear in the streets. A friend was tellingmethat she was paranoid about getting her picture 
taken and getting a CIA file all weekend. That is so depressing. Whatended up being good was the dozen 
conversations I had about sprituality and activism, and the state oftheworld. I am not sure I have figured it out, what 
I need to do, but I am trying so hard. "

and "More than anything the peace walk will give me more opportunities for discussion. I need to work it all through spiritually. I went to NYCforprotests last weekend. They were exhausting. Not just from being onthe streetfor10 hours, but from all the dialogue I had. I had to comeback early 
mostly because I was exhausted from so many searching conversationsandpoints of view. So much emotion and faith is out there in the worldrightnow. I had no less than 10 conversations that made me reach way downdeepto know how to answer. Imagine doing that everyday of your life."

I had to bring you at least one photo. One huge joy in NY was the levelofperformance. There we so many people working in street theatre, puppets,dragons,drumcorps, radical cheerleaders. There was a pervaiding joy andpeace. 

 Globe and global capiatlism are interviewedat a A.N.S.W.E.R.rally in front of the Waldorf, Saturday morning.
Three NY Times articles: The times asks you toestablish an accountandhave a username and password to read these links.They assure privacyandonly use the info to keep track of numbers. If youare not able to dothis,see my NY times reader,with thesearticles and the Margaret Thatcher piece.

150ArrestsFar From Economic Forum February 4, 2002

  EconomicForum Shifts Its Focus to New Dangers February 3, 2002 

36AreArrested, but Demonstrations Remain Peaceful February 3, 2002

And what is this about a Peace Walk. Jenna and I will be joining theWalkfor aNew Spring, which started winding it's way around Massachusettslastweek, and will end up on Boston on the first day of spring. We willbe walking15-18 miles a day, and talking to whatever groups will host usalong theway.  I am excited. I don't have any idea what it will belike, but it will besomething. 

MiXiM