March 23, 2000  Field Trip: Destination: Civilization
 

I visited civilization today. I haven't been there in awhile and here is
what I learned.

I went to Lowe's. I marveled at the modern innovations in toasters.
There was the $119 brushed stainless steel model with a retractable
bread support. You could have sliced a loaf of bread lengthwise and half
and inch thick and stuck it in. Even more amazing; the funky side/top
loader. It was not only open on the top but also on the side, and get
this. The toast doesn't go in flat side first. One corner goes down.
It's a much more open design, meaning there would be no more fishing the
stuck toast out with a knife. Yes, I use a metal knife to fish out stuck
toast, but I am a professional, so don't you try this at home.

Also at Lowe's I learned how easy it would be to spend $500 to alter
nature and make water collect in a little pond, and then to fight nature
and heat the pond all winter. I don't know how a pond seemed like such a
good idea when it just meant digging a hole, but when it means, buying
a liner, pump, pond chemicals and the like, It all seems a bit absurd.

I tried out axes and looked at sledges. This was the most important part
of my trip. I was trying to bond with the tools. It was almost like
going to the pound to pick out a puppy or kitten. I was standing in the
aisle spending quality time. Something didn't seem right about these
little ones though.

I went to Walmart. It is nice if you go as a field trip, or
anthropological expedition. I looked at overalls. They were made in
China.  I looked for rice cookers. I looked for pond stuff. They had
some beautiful gold fish. Their four dollar comets looked healthy and
happy and they were big enough to be a snack. The last two times I have
looked at fish at Walmart, they have had lion head gold fish. This time
I got to see more what they looked like; just kind of fat headed in a
dignified way. Pretty. I guess I couldn't get past what they looked like
last time. At the other Walmart, they had the ick. They really did look
like lions with big manes of fungi growing from their heads. Ick. There
was never a more appropriately named ailment. The flu should be called,
hit-by-a-truck. I've got a touch of the hitbyatruck.

In Walmart, I learned what was wrong with Lowe's's axes. Walmart had the
same ones. They were like Kennel AKC pups from the same dead end blood
line. I'll shop for axes when I go to Croghan for the Maple festival. I
don't want any more embarrassment like a couple of weeks ago, when Kevin
and Pete were helping me move my new wood stove. They were both kind of
staring at my ax (borrowed from camp) and finally Pete picked it up and
said, "look at the size of that handle" Kevin just nodded knowingly and
I stood there. I had no idea what to say. Was it good that my handle was
long? Or was it bad? I may never know.

I also went to a coin shop in a rough neighborhood in Utica. I had to be
buzzed in and there were lots of car parts around, and I didn't pay tax.
The last I think is the surest sign of trouble. What would a coin shop
be a good front for? I think you spot these things better when you have
been out of the loop for a time.

Across the tracks was the utica cutlery outlet. I found a nice pattern
of flatware but who needs it? I did try to buy a fork. I had never seen
gold "silver"ware before. Especially not with a holly decoration on the
handle. Very pretty.  It was so ridiculous to the owner that I would buy
one fork that she just gave it to me. I wonder if I would have had to
pay tax on that.

Three days later I am at a maintenance conference at camp chingachgook.
(oh will my spell checker not like that one). I wonder how my talking
computer will do with it. I can't say it myself.

Anyway, in the maintenance world, I feel out of place. My facility is
much smaller, with, it seems, a different focus. I have picked up a lot
of good info. Also I have been very frustrated with the idea that we
might someday become a hotel. I hope you will all fight by my side to
keep Unirondack a rustic camp. These damn conference centers are killing
the art of rustic, breeding some bastard child of charm and resort
comfort in the woods. It's very ugly  I must say. I know at least one of
you has been to Silver Bay. I have to say, that is my hell. I will go
there when I have died for sure, and suffer for all eternity. Maybe I
have died already and this was just a warm up; the tour where people
oohed and aahed at the brand new, ugly ass, industrial, masquerading as
adirondack, $750,000 from one donor, hospitality house. Gives me
shivers. Ick...hitbyatruck....

What do maintenance guys do when you get 100 of them together? Well
maybe I will save that as a mystery. You can imagine for now. Actually
it is not that exciting. I had pictured work boot fashion shows and
maintenance joke fests. No such luck. The most striking thing is that
everyone goes to bed early, and a lot of guys snore like crazy.

I didn't sleep well last night because of a snorer and something.
Tonight, that something got me out of bed at 12:30 to play with the
computer. I mean I wasn't anywhere near asleep. Now it is 1:30. I wish I
knew what that something were that is keeping me up. Maybe Spring fever.

Updates from last week, pasted from emails that special people got:
MONDAY:
I have done nothing all day but work on the car. It is was a crazy
adventure. I had to go all the way to town to pick up this part I
ordered over a week ago, and then It was so cold, that I was would work
on it for five minutes and then go inside and read the manual for a half
hour and then go out for five minutes again. I got my oil changed, and
was working on the windshield wiper. I got it all torn apart, and then
realized that the part that I ordered was not the one that was broken,
so I called the auto parts place. They can't get the part I need. I
still don't know if they will take back the one i had to special order
for $90. So I went off to Julius Lehosky's place. He is a legend around here. If
you talk about beetles his name is sure to come up because he's owned so
many. I've been to his house many times. Usually he doesn't have the
part, but thanks to Murphy's law he always has the part when I got it
somewhere else first. He had just the part I needed and then a few I
wanted too. It was so cold I was  in the house. I had only been in the
garages and sheds before. So his wife invited me for dinner. I must have
been there three hours between finding the part and dinner. He is a
great old guy. I think I missed out, never having had someone from the
WW II era to talk to. Man, this keeps coming up in our conversations. It
turns out we knew a few people in common. I'm becoming a real local. So
maybe Julius and I are going to cruise down to some body shop he knows
one day to get a quote on the beetle's makeover. If not, I need to go
back in the spring and look through what he has for rims. Mine are kind
of funky.

FRIDAY:
Friday was so cool. I was out of maple syrup, so I went across the
street to the sugar shack, where they make it, to see if they had some
to sell. Maple syrup is like $40 a gallon of more in the city, and a
little less up here, depending on how well you know the seller,
sometimes as low as $25, but very rarely. I was going to buy a gallon. I
met Walt. Walt asked me what i was doing just then, and if I wouldn't
rather work for a gallon. WELL, OF COURSE. I wish life was like that all
the time. I was in heaven. I got to help make my own gallon of syrup,
learn all about the process and a lot of lore, and hang out with a nice
neighbor. Fuckin' rad, I say. I was over there for about four hours. We
went out and got sap from the sugar bush (tree lot), and then fired up
the evaporator. I got to skim the syrup and feed the fire, and drink
syrup, and help filter. I was waiting for people to come up so I could
poke my head out of the shack and see my house. It was religious. After
Devin showed up, I showed him around, and then came home with my still
hot gallon of syrup. We had pancakes for breakfast saturday.
 

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So, I hope you are all having a good first week of spring. Mine has been
good.

Love,
MiXiM